Part 2
(Enter Carnatic Bear-he is young mod and reasonably good looking- he almost prances into the room.)
C Bear: Good morning, good morning, good morning- I am Carnatic Bear- Are you the Cool Cat who advertised in the Hindu?
Father: How do you do young man?
Mother: Please sit down. Can I get you something to drink?
C Bear: Sure baby- any old variety will do.
Mother: We serve the best toddy and our Arrack is second to none.
(Exits)
Father: Now young man - Tell me about your self and your prospects.
C Bear: Cut the caper grand dad- where is the bird, you know the chick who wants a husband.
(Rises and does a couple of dance steps- almost bumps into Mother who returns with a try of four glasses. She gives him one and leaves the other two and takes one herself)
Say who is this, in the Mother Hubbard.
 
Goldi: (trying to be restrained) I must follow father’s advice about being restrained.
Father: Er- Meet my daughter Goldilocks .
C Bear: Well, well, well- say baby why all this drapery- you know cloth (feels it) won’t sell this (feels it again0- not enough body- not your body love, the cloth- your body is I am sure divine- ha ha ha - let us try this nectar- good- very good.
(Goldilocks tries to drink through the burka, fails, lifts it up and quaffs, she has her back to Carnatic Bear, so he does not see her face)
(To Goldilocks) Do you dance?
Goldi: It is no use being restrained- father is wrong- this man is like me (wiggles over to him) Hello Big Boy- have you got lots of money?
C Bear: Money, never heard of it- I have lots and lots of stock- my elder brother Armenian Bear calls them current assets but he is a bit conservative- Baby I have got no order bales, full pressed bales, undyed rolls, off shade rolls and lots and lots of loose pieces- I have got plenty and people owe me lots of money- I keep telling my elder brother it is better to be a creditor than a debtor- isn’t nice that people owe me so much lolly- it makes me kind of rich.
Goldi: Oh my hero- people owe you a lot of money, how fantastic- you must be very, very rich- I am beginning to fall in love with you (they dance round the room- father and mother look shocked)
But tell me Carnatic Bear, may I call you that- tell me do people owe you a lot of money.
C Bear: Oh yes millions and millions that is why I am so poor.
Mother: But you just said that you were rich-come, come you must have lots of money otherwise you couldn’t lend so much to have people owing you millions and millions.
C Bear: Oh it is quite simple- I sell them cloth and when I add up all my bills I am rich- but when they don’t pay me I become poor- But I feel rich.
Father: You are suffering from lack of liquidity.
C Bear: Oh don’t say that- you sound like my elder brother Armenian Bear- But I have fixed him- I am going to have regional bears all over the land and these will collect lots of money and I will be rich and happy.
Mother; You sound just the man my daughter is looking for.
C Bear: (to Goldilocks) Say baby - I dig you really but what do you look like- I want to look at you- I like to see my birds- Are you lovely to look at, delightful to hold and heaven to kiss.
Mother: You are forward young man.
Goldi: Oh mother don’t stop him- isn’t he beautiful- lovely man (turns to Carnatic Bear) come on Big Boy- you and I can make sweet music together-Ooh, oooh, ooooh ( they dance very, very mod ) where do you live- oh there I know it- I will meet you at six and then you can see what I look like and I will see what you are like- what a ball we will have.
C Bear: We’ll have a ball, a right royal ball
In love, in love we are bound to fall
We are rich, we are rich, we are full of bales
And we really don’t care a damn about our sales.
It is not the money that is so pure
It’s the debts we can secure, secure
How can we fail, how can we fail
When all we have to do is make a sale
We are going to have Regional Bears
And we don’t care a hoot about the stocks
What is important and full of fascination
Is that we are going to capitalise on the situation.
(dances out of the room as Goldilocks faints)
Father: Some body is coming- get up Goldilocks- get up
( Goldilocks staggers to her feet- takes a big gulp from her drink-and lurches somewhat unsteadily)
(tap at the door)
Come in.
(Enter Mill Bear- he looks strong and sure of himself but rather rough in his dress and speech)
Father: Good Morning- you must be Mr.Mill Bear- how nice of you to have called- do sit down.
Mill Bear: Good Morning Sir- I am a plain, simple, blunt man- I am looking for a wife- where is the girl who wants a husband?
Goldi: Oh, oh- that is me (wiggles up to him) - are you real?-
(lifts her burka to her knees) -how do you like them? Are they not the most beautiful in the World?
Mill Bear: (gets hold of the burka- Goldilocks tries to pull back) Wait let me examine properly.
Goldi: No, no, no - only after marriage (but gets close to him)
Mother: (Shocked) What audacity.
Father: (merely looked shocked)
Mill Bear: (after intensely examining the cloth) Pooh seconds damaged, that is how I would classify.
Mother: You are insulting. My daughter has not as much looked at a man.
Mill Bear: Who is taking about your daughter?
Mother; What is seconds damaged then?
Mill Bear: The cloth. The examiner who passed it should be shot.
Goldi: Oh! You darling man- never mind the cloth-you will like what is covered.
Mill Bear: I am some what conservative in my views.
Goldi: So am I, so am I- How lovely it is to be conservative- I, I love a conservative man- and I think I am going to fall in love with you- do you like my hands-(sings) I I I like you very much
I I I think you are grand
And when our eyes do touch
My heart begins to beat the band.
Mill Bear: (Backing away) What is all this talk about love.I told you I am a practical man. I marry only for one thing.
(Mother and Father look shocked- Goldilocks is very happy)
My wife should be able to cook well.
Goldi: Why don’t you marry a hotel keeper?
Mill Bear: I tried to do that. But all hotel keepers are men.
Mother: How rude. He is rightly called Bear.
Mill Bear: (Turning to father) Now sir what about the other specifications of your daughter?
Father: Specifications! I don’t understand.
Mill Bear: I shall explain to you. When I buy a machine I must know all about it. I must know its dimensions, drive, feed, speed, rate of delivery etc. These are called specifications. What are your daughter’s specifications?
Father: (Bewildered- turning to mother) My dear I hardly understand- can you help dear?
Mother: (For once at a loss) Ahem.
Goldi : (Going to Mill Bear near the front of the stage). I shall give you the specifications. Height 5ft 9in.Weight 170 lbs. Vital statistics 30, 42, 30. - Feed I eat practically nothing, a bottle of whisky a day will do. Speed- people tell me I lead a very fast life. Delivery - (almost melting) I too like a large family. Shall we say one child every year. I doubt whether any one could deliver faster.
Father: Now Mr.Mill Bear - tell me about yourself and your prospects.
Goldi;: Are you rich- you divine handsome man- bu I adore riches.
Mill Bear: Am I rich? That is a difficult question to answer- I own 240 acres- have a lot machinery and buildings and workers- but I somehow don’t seem to have much money- My elder brother Armenian Bear says that it is all due to my twin Carnatic Bear- Carnatic Bear blames me and Armenian Bear- I think they are both responsible- Do you know I make enough cloth in a year to go round the globe five times.
Goldi: Oh, you are rich- you must be rich- you have got lots and lots of cloth- Do you like me?
Mill Bear: Yes, but I want to see what you really look like. Will you take that Burka off?
Goldi: (demurely) No, not before marriage (slaps him on the back) Eh, eh. eh you are a card semi high production- you are too much for a poor quiet girl like me.
Mill bear: I cannot pass her unless I inspect her- I have very strict rules about these things.
Goldi: Oh, I have a lovely figure- but you will have to wait honey boy- mother says I an so modest.
Mill Bear: This won’t do- every thing I get must be damage free, result in high efficiencies and give good realisation.
Mother: What are you saying Mr.Mill Bear?
Mill Bear: I have only three rules in life- high efficiencies, zero defects and good realisation.
Mother: I think you are impertinent.
Father: He is right dear- I wish I had thought of these things when we got married- In nearly 40 years of married life I’ve had plenty of defects, zero efficiency and no dam realisation.
Goldilocks: (sidles up to Mill Bear) You gorgeous man- I am all for quality control- except my quality is good that it can’t be controlled- oh, oh- How about your quality honey chile (feels the muscle on his arm) Ah like tempered steel- Mmm, you are a gorgeous hunk of a man- where do you live- Oh there I will meet you at 8’0 Clock- and then you can have your inspection. Will there be lots to drink?
Mother: (not liking the way it is going- to Mill Bear) If there is nothing else can we say Good Morning?
Mill Bear: (to father and mother) Well thank you Sir and Madam. (waves to Goldilocks who blows kisses at him).
Exit Mill Bear
Father: (Aside) Oh dear Mill Bear is so right- How I wish I had quality controlled my wife.
CURTAIN
Scene IV (in the Bears’ House- It had a dining table and three chairs and three beds- otherwise a plainly furnished room).
Enter Goldilocks (dressed as at end of scene II -She obviously is very tipsy -she lurches).
Goldilocks: Any body home- no body- tra la la- what a cute little house- and what heavenly beds- I drank too much again last night- ah but that gin was good- ooh- I am going to find a husband- which will it be- Armenian Bear or Carnatic house Bear or Mill Bear- I can’t choose- I am as beautiful as Helen of Troy ( marches again and hiccups) they are all rather nice- Armenian Bear- strong and serious- Carnatic Bear cute and cuddly- Mill Bear- so dynamic- what a thrill- three husbands- Should I marry all three (hiccups) what scandal- (stretches on one of the beds)- Heavenly- (gets up and moves to front of the stage)- what a lark- I have come to see if the Mill Bear wants a trial run.
(Dances round the room singing)
I am getting married in the morning
Ding dong the bell will chime.
Ooh (stretches) I’m Hungry- what is on the table- a big plate of porridge- this must be Armenian Bear’s- let us try some- ooh- (spits it out in the fire place) horrible- not at all sweet (smells it) tastes like sambar bath- awful- he is not going to marry me if this is all there is to eat- Aah what is this- the place card says Carnatic Bear- I will take a teeny weeny spoon- What has he put in it-Ganja- no wonder he was slightly high- slightly, very high (drunkenly sobs)- he will make a bad husband- what do I care about his riches and bales- if all he will give me to eat is Ganja- May be the Mill Bear is the one (tries his plate) Ah the bugger has laced it with rum. Now for the trial run.
(sobs drunkly)- I’m so sad- I don’t like these three bears any more- I think I’ll go to bed- but which bed- should I choose Armenian Bear- ever so luxurious- so soft and comfortable but so dignified- lovely bed Armenian Bear has- but it is a dull bed and I’m a swinger- or should I choose Carnatic Bear’s bed- not so dignified, not so plush but such fun- this looks like a fun bed- I think I’ ll lie on it- Mmm- Divine but what I will do if his Regional Bears come. I cannot cope with all of them. I will have to get up- but there is still Mill Bear’s bed- it’ll be a rough bed- has he quality controlled it, What has he inside. I know know. He has packed all his damaged goods. That is how he gets good realisation and zero defects. Will this bed give me Zero defects, high efficiency and good realisation- I am looking for realisation- nice realisation- what fun to have Good Realization.
(gets up)- Which bed will I choose
Which bear will I loose
After all, when all is said and done
Bed’ll be where I‘ll have some fun
What fun, what fun, what a lark
How nice it will be when all is dark
What fun, what fun I’ll do a few things
Bur perhaps I better wait till I get my ring
For if a bear I must win
I must see that I do not sin
(hears foot steps)
Oh they are coming home- what‘ll I do- what‘ll I do- I’d better (dives under the mill Bear’s bed)
(Enter three bears)
Armenian Bear: I’ve told you Carnatic Bear you must be more careful- It is all very well to talk about Regional Bears but what of those outstandings.
Mill Bear: Yes, what is the use of my zero defects, high efficiencies and good realisation, if you don’t get money for our cloth. I think I’ll have the quality control go.
Carnatic Bear: But, but--
Armenian Bear: But, but Bhat wants results (turns to Mill Bear) I don’t like your overheads- every thing is so expensive- you will have to cut your costs.
Mill Bear: You are my overheads and would like to cut you.
Armenian Bear: (disgustedly) All I get is nonsense. How can you cut your head and survive? Well let us have supper. (they sit down)
Armenian Bear: Who has been eating my porridge- you two have excellent perquisites and I don’t like you taking mine, Shall have to counsel you both after supper.
Carnatic Bear: Oh my word- somebody has eaten my porridge- Come on Mill Bear own up- ever since you started quality control you’ve always wanted what I have.
Mill Bear: Somebody has committed theft of my porridge- theft is a very serious offense and I will have this investigated by Security Bear -In the mean time I am leaving the porridge as evidence.
(they all rise)
Armenian Bear: (gets into bed) who has been sleeping in my bed-Carnatic Bear was it you- you have been trying to get into my bed- if you don’t like your bed you can have it redecorated but don’t get into mine.
Carnatic Bear: I’ve got my own bed and I’m getting plenty of beds for my Regional Bears- I don’t want yours. Here, I say, somebody has been sleeping in my bed- Now who could it be- could it be she- but why would anyone want to lie in Armenian Bear’s bed- could it be a check, but brother suppose it was.
Mill Bear: Most extraordinary- somebody has been in my bed- who has been in my bed- that’s the whole trouble, of late unqualified people have been trying to be in my bed- I won’t have it- how can I have efficiencies if people who don’t know how to be in my bed try to get into it.
Armenian Bear: This too bad- we will have to review our whole structure, I’ll have to get AFF, the management consultants, to advise me. Meantime are you two going out- I’m expecting a visitor.
Carnatic Bear: So am I..
Mill Bear: So am I.
Carnatic Bear: And may I ask who your visitor is?
Mill Bear: Who is your visitor?
Armenian Bear: Our information system who demanded to know who your visitor is
(Goldilocks emerges from under the bed)
Goes to Armenian Bear- me lover boy
Goes to Carnatic Bear- me Cutekens
Goes to Mill Bear- me honey chile
Armenian Bear)
Carnatic Bear) Who are you?
Mill Bear )
Goldi: I’m the girl in the burka
And if you’re aha you might win her
You complexes you might shed
Like when you are getting into bed
I’m not sure, I’m not sure who I’ll choose
Which of you, oh dear, I’ll loose
You three bears are a treat
With which one of you my fate I’ll meet
Its love, love, love that makes the world go round
But which of you, but which of you is financially sound.
Armenian Bear; So you are Goldilocks- ahem- you’re quite attractive.
Goldi; (putting her arms around him) Beautiful- lover boy, that’s what I am- I’m radiant- I’m ravishing.
Ar Bear: (visibly moved) Yes, yes you are good looking but will you make a good wife?
Goldi: Honey, just try me.
Carnatic Bear: Why don’t you choose me- I’m in love with you- you gorgeous scintillating creature- I will give you bales and bales- prints and checks- plain and dyed- all unsold- I am the man for you.
Goldi: Ooh- how delicious- he is in love with me- Ohh (swoons).
Mill Bear: (helps her up) Hmm- you will do- I will post a quality control board on you tomorrow- you look as though you will give high realisation, though your hair is slightly off shade.
Three Bears and Goldilocks: (dance round the room singing)
We are, we are three bears
With you, with you we will shed our cares
How lovely with you to dance
O please Goldilocks don’t look askance
Which one of us will you choose
None of us would like to loose
Armenian Bear so grave and dignified
Is it to him your heart has signified
Carnatic Bear so young and free
With him you can drink lots and lots of whisky
Mill Bear and his zero defects
Is it to him that your heart reflects
Tell us, tell us which one will it be
And the others will turn and flee
But, but it must be told
Please don’t let it leave you cold
We are, we are so very poor
And for that also there is no cure
(Puffs of smoke- enter maid dressed as Fairy)
Maid: Goldilocks- My Child- I’m not really your maid- I’m the good fairy who has watched over you these thirty six years- since you were born. I have come to fulfill your dreams- I have come to bring you the richest man in the land- Don’t waste your self on these bears- they tremble before the one I shall bring- he is the one before whom all heads bow- he is (fanfare of trumpets) PRINCE BINNY
Armenian Bear: (on one knee) Your Majesty
Carnatic Bear: (on one knee) Your Exalted highness.
Mill Bear: (on one knee) Sire
All Three bears: Our profits are high, our profits are high
Please, please don’t heave a sigh
We give you our love and fealty
That is the truth and reality.
Prince Binny: (to bears) - rise, I’m well pleased with you- you have done well but Goldilocks is mine. Goldilocks I have the honor to request you to be my wife
Goldi; Ohh. I‘m overwhelmed- yes, yes a thousand times yes- I will be yours- please don’t change your mind (they embrace).
Song; Goldilocks, Goldilocks will you be mine
I’ll give you rags, fents and Carncuck club wine
Is it with chindies your heart I must win
I’ll see that the Mill Manager doesn’t create a din
Armenian Bear) Three Cheers for the Prince and Princess of Binny
Carnatic Bear )
Mill Bear )
Curtain Down- The show is Over
THE BAR IS OPEN
Hilarious! Brought back so many funny memories. Hope there's a joyous reunion at the bar!
Kamini
Posted by: Kamini | February 04, 2008 at 02:59 PM
Thanks Kamini.Not many survivors left for the Bar reunion.
Goldilocks
Posted by: Raja Ramakrishnan | February 05, 2008 at 12:11 AM
A very entertaining read. Highly original. Are the pictures from the staged play?
Posted by: Satish | February 06, 2008 at 09:18 PM
A very entertaining read. Highly original. Are the pictures from the staged play?
Posted by: Satish | February 06, 2008 at 09:19 PM
The pictures are from the staged play
Raja Ramakrishnan
Posted by: | February 07, 2008 at 02:24 AM