It was a balmy early morning . The couple, whose marriage has survived for nearly six decades, were sitting on their sit out and enjoying the aroma of the home made fresh coffee and sipping and savouring it.
Krish- ‘ Lovely coffee, Radhai. This is too good’
Radhai ‘ What about the coffee I make everyday? Are you trying to butter me up for some favour?’
Krish- ‘ Oh my God.Whatever I say you twist it up’.
Radhai- ‘ What did you say? Don’t Mumble’
Krish- ‘ Has the paper arrived?’
Radhai-’ The postman comes only after 12 noon. Are you trying to make fun of me?’
Krish-’ I think you should a hearing aid. You are going deaf.’
Radhai-’ I am glad after all these years you have agreed. I will fix up the appointment.’
They are reading the newspaper.
Radhai-’ Sashi Tharoor has won the debate in Oxford’.
Krish-’ Oh!. But then Suchi is so good at out shouting that Ravi has no chance.’
Radhai-’ Modi has got permission from the Sultan of Abu Dhabi to build a temple there.’.
Krish-’ No temples are going to help Lalit Modi’.
Evening on the sit out. Krish is having his usual sundowner.
Radhai-’ The whisky is killing your brain cells and memory. Get me my dasamoolarishtam.’.
Krish pours some Sherry in a small glass.
Radhai-’ What a divine nectar of the gods.’
Dinner time. Radhai is warming the food. Krish is laying the table. This makes the impaired hearing non existent and thus led to fewer arguments.
Radhai- ‘ Take the tablecloth and shake it before laying the table.’
Krish-’ ‘ I don’t want any idlis today.Only dosais. Make them crisp’.
Radhai- ‘ My mother made the best Idlis. Your mother’s idli was hard as a rock.’
Krish- ‘ Your mother was the easily the the most horrible woman and I feel sorry for your father having to put up with her.’
Radhai-’ You should be thankful to my mother. She persuaded me to marry you saying that you were spineless and could be controlled easily.’
Bed time.
Radhai- ‘Make sure all the doors are locked before getting into bed.’
Krish- ‘ o.k’. done.’ and gets into bed.
Faint ring tones of the telephone. Krish pretends to be fast asleep and no amount of prodding would wake him up. Radhai muttering ‘lazy bastard’,gets up and answer the phone.
Krish- ‘It must be that battleaxe friend of Radhai for a gossip and exchange of news and gossip. She won’t be back for an hour .I can sleep in peace.’
Marriage was once to be for life till death do us part.This has changed in parts of the world but remains in others. This last stage-THE GOLDEN AGE_ is enjoyed (?) by a few who survive the perils of health and divorce on the way. You have an unpaid companion, a sort of boxing punch bag, which you can punch and curse with impunity. He or she are deaf and parblind and have no libido left, so there is no danger that they will go away!
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The first part of the marriage- the romantic part- is quite different and enjoyable if you are one of the lucky ones. Radhai was a postgraduate in statistics and according to her parents getting past the marriageable age. She had already gone through about eight boys. Her parents were on tenterhooks and already visited most of the temples in the south. The only calm person in the family was the grandmother- a lecturer in college.
Grandmother to her daughter-’ Ramu and you vehemently raise objections to the next boy.’
Mother- ‘Are you mad? He looks very good.’
Grandmother-’ This is a strategy. This will annoy Rahai .She will be annoyed that you are trying to tell her whom to marry. And who knows the ploy will work. Nine is a lucky number!’.
An angry Radhai had one look at NO 9- Krish and after a cursory few exchange of words agreed.The parents were delighted, Krish could not believe his luck. Grandmother put on a serious look.
The parents fixed the marriage at the at earliest auspicious date lest Radhai changed her mind.The love bug had got into Krish and soon he bagan to write torrid and romantic letters daily to Radhai. The mother and grandmother surreptitiously read these letters and were delighted and also filled with annoyance at being married off at such an early age that they missed the romance.
The traditional marriage took place with a relatives from both parties amidst great joy. Radhai was a bit subdued but Krish was in his elements.Needless to say that the parents were in the seventh heaven. The stage came when the the Krish washed Radhai’s leg before taking the holy seven steps. Stooping down to do it,Radhai lifted her a saree a little to avoid the splashes. This was the age before modern India when bridegrooms only had seen Hollywood actresses body in pictures and posters.The sight of Radhai’s bare ankle so excited Krish that he caressed the foot and moved his hands up the leg. The surprised Radhai gave a loud cry . Every one was worried till they saw the broad smile of happiness on her face. Krish was unaware that serendipity had set him on the right track and that the spontaneous caress sealed the marriage for life!
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Krish-’I cannot take my eyes off you Radhai. You are so pretty and kind. How lucky I am.’
Radhai-’ You are a rogue pinching my ankle and moving you caressing hand up my leg during sapta pathy. I almost swooned.’
Krish-’ We have a few more days to ourselves before return. Let us not waste time.’
Radhai-’ Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. mmmmmmmmmmmmm.Where did you learn kiss like that you rogue. You told me that I am the only girl in your life. ‘
Krish-’ I watched Hollywood movies. This is the Clerk Gable style.’
Radhai-’ You must be a genius to kiss like that just by watching films alone. Only a little finesse would make it will make it unbeatable.’
Krish-’ O.k. Here we go. Let us make it perfect.
Back and setting up their new flat
Radhai-’ You have done enough. Take some rest darling. You have to go to work tomorrow. My mother is coming down to help.’
Krish-(excited and shouting)-’ Oh no. Not that old battleaxe.’
Radhai-’ You cannot call my mother a battleaxe. She has every right to visit and help.’
Krish-’ We will reach a compromise. I will see that my mother does not visit us’.
Radhai-’ Oh no.That is not on. She is your stepmother and will not come even you beg her. I know she is not fond of you.’
Krish-’ No way will the battle axe come to my house.’
Radhai-’ Your house is it? It is because of the battleaxe that I was born. This the limit. I will pack up and go tomorrow.’
She banged and locked the bedroom door and shut herself up and would not listen to Krish’s abject apologies. They were setting up the house and only furniture in the flat was the bed. Krish cursed himself and slept on the floor. When he got up the bedroom door was locked up still. Krish made coffee for himself , put a cup in a flask,put a note for Radhai and left for office.
Radhai,after a sleepless night, peeped out to see Krish had left,before phoning her mother that she was leaving the rude Krish and coming back.
Mother very agitated-’ I do not want you here. A boy is coming to see your sister and what sort of an impression will they have if they find out you have left your husband so soon. I was about to ring you to say I cannot come.’
Radhai, seething with anger cried her heart out, went to the kitchen to make herself some coffee. There was note on the table in front of the thermos ‘SO SORRY MY LOVE.your mom can stay as long as she likes’.
Evening and in staggers Krish with a big bouquet of orchids and a big container of packed dinner. As the door opened Radhai cuddled and kissed Krish and would not let go of him.
Radhai-’ So sorry my cutest darling. What did I do to you.I am ashamed. The battleaxe of my mother shall not come .I want you alone and won’t have any one here.’
Krish (completely surprised at his luck)- ‘NO.No she can come and help you’.
Radhai-’ Nothing doing and that is the end of the matter.’
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The penultimate stage is the DISCORDANT Age. Familiarity breeds contempt. Libido drops. Tensions in work builds up . There is no respite with sleepless nights of diaper changing and feeding the babies. Battle axe mothers in law are called in to help and they demand the pound of flesh. Separation and divorce these days are very easy and women have found that they do even better than men in jobs. You have a real minefield ahead of you before you reach the GOLDEN AGE.
Krish-’ This is terrible. I cannot keep my eyes open. How many times do have to change the diapers?’
Radhai-’You don’t strap them properly and the whole thing leaks. How many times have I taught you’.
Krish-’ O’K. O.K. Why don’t you help me. Tomorrow the big boss is coming to the office .’
Radhai-’ I seem to be feeding them all the time. I am exhausted . You insisted that they should be breast fed.’
Krish-’ Feed the twins simultaneously’
Radhai-’ You unfeeling bastard. You were very happy when we had the twins. Said we saved on overheads’.
Krish- ‘ I tell you what. We will invite the battleaxe of your mother to help.’
Radhai-’ So you want my mother to change diapers so that you can sleep’.
Radhai talking to her friend Kasturi and comparing notes on their hubbies.
Kasturi-’ I do not about you. My hubby was insatiable a few years ago.Now he comes home late ,barely has a word and pops into bed.’
Radhai-’ That is funny. Krish does the same thing. Says he is exhausted.’
Kasturi-’ The children are grown up and now is the time to enjoy life and the see what happens.’
Krish-’ Where is my coffee and breakfast. I am in a hurry. I have an important meeting with my clients. Hurry up.’
Radhai-’ I have an important assignment to complete by noon. Make your breakfast or go to Saravana’.
Krish-’ Of all the things. You refuse to give me coffee in the morning and here I am toiling away to make money for our old age’.
Radhai-’ Toiling away? You come home drunk reeking of whisky and Chanel perfume and pop into bed.’
Krish-’ Of all the things to accuse me of. What about you gallivanting with that fellow in the park? He holds you , twists your hips and holds your thigh up. You are no angel.’
Radhai-’ He is my trainer and I am keeping in shape - not developing a pot belly like you’.
Krish-’ Gosh. I am going to be late for the meeting.’
He collects all his things and in his hurry drops the car key which falls near Radhai’s legs.
Krish-’ Please, the key.’
Radhai-’ Pick it up yourself. It will help you to reduce your pot belly.’
As Krish stoops to pick the keys near Radhai’s ankles some thing takes over and he starts caressing the feet and moves hands up. Radhai also looses control and starts moaning with pleasure and memories flood back. The mobile rings but nobody hears.
Later an agitated Krish remembers his meeting and frantically rings up. Good news The meeting is postponed as the client is held up in traffic jam.
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The three stages of marriage are common to all mankind. You have variations . Sometimes the stages are cut short . Now a days you have the same sex marriage. Some times it is living together without marriage. Attractions are transient. Discords are violent and uncivilized. You have marriage counsellors to help and divorce to end marriages. If you survive all these minefields you reach the final stage where you can get away with a lot of things with your partner being blissfully unaware.
Raja Ramakrishnan
10th September 2015
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Excellent and hilarious! This should be used as a marriage manual for those contemplating matrimony, for a taste of what lies ahead.
Also, perhaps your hearing is better than you let on ;-)
Posted by: Kamini | September 10, 2015 at 11:23 AM
Appa
You put shobha de to shame. She was transparent and you are subtle but the message is the same!
Posted by: VIJAY | September 10, 2015 at 07:59 PM
Dear Raja,
My Mother-by-law was no battle axe, in fact she was a real darling who adored and spoilt me; as her daughter has been doing since the last 55+1.1/2 years.
Her regret, if any, was that we did not have to go through the diaper stage!
Enjoyed your tuition in matrimonial progression!
Cheers,
Ness.
Posted by: Ness Pesikaka | September 11, 2015 at 07:05 AM
I wonder how Vijay knows about the writings of Shobaa De! I thought he was above all that!!
Posted by: Kamini | September 11, 2015 at 07:31 AM
you live to learn ,Kamini. obviously he likes full revelation and not subtileties!
love
appa
Posted by: Raja Ramakrishnan | September 11, 2015 at 09:38 AM
Raja,
We call ourselves a deaf and dumb family - Perin is deaf and I am dumb.
Time for your evening libation!
Cheers,
Ness.
Posted by: Ness Pesikaka | October 08, 2015 at 09:25 AM
Something is wrong with the setting of the time, it is now 6.57p.m.!
Posted by: Ness Pesikaka | October 08, 2015 at 09:27 AM
Greatly enjoyed the writing and the life like scenes.It was like being there and sometimes like becoming Krish! Since you have already done the screen play, perhaps our Madras Club actors could stage it! Well done and look forward to more episodes of Radha & Krish!
Posted by: L. Vasudev | October 30, 2015 at 07:47 AM